Sunday, January 31, 2010

Things I learned this weekend

Things I learned this weekend:

I should have bought the bigger container of wasabi peas.

Working from home sucks.

The dolls I like to collect are way too expensive.  But I want them anyway.

Eric Stoltz just gets hotter as he gets older.  I totally could be a stalker.

Mr. Lady is wonderful and makes you feel like a person.   I so could stalk her.

 I would like to stalk The Bloggess too but she's not responded to me yet. I've got my binoculars ready though.

There is apparently a reason I can't go out in public.  lanned = stalker

The person who has been my best friend for years apparently only uses me for birthday wishes.  Batman you suck.

Sonohysteerography is a lot more painful than what they let you believe.  Especially if they have to insert the catheter more than once.  You bleed for a long time afterwards.  It sucks.

I can still conceive.  Hubby step it up because I think the doctor believes I can become pregnant in the next couple of months.  Yeah little curly red headed Edwina!!!

Potty training involves a lot of clapping.  Go Z you're a big girl.  Go Z you're a big girl.

I want a house full of babies.  *Hoping when I get pregnant I have twins*

I don't want my daughter and her babies to ever move out.  (i.e. unrealistic expectations)

My parents aren't ever allowed to get sick or anything like that. (one again i.e. unrealistic expectations)

My husband is super brilliant Yet another stupid blog

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Let me do you like you wanna be done

I've been thinking about my celebrity "to-do" list.  You know, that list of people you will never, ever meet that you get a free pass "to-do" from your partner?  I've never really had one because I pretty much just think about hubby but he added Zoey Deuschanal (sp?) to his today so I started thinking about mine.  I'm also supposed to be working from home right now and I'd rather do anything but that so this sounds like a productive alternative.

I watched Caprica this morning.  If you are not watching you are missing a great show.  Really, watch it.  Eric Stoltz is on it and I realized today if I had a list he would be on it.  I've always kind of had a thing for him but Caprica sealed it.  He's so hot in the glasses and getting older has just made him better.

I have always been a huge fan of Stargate SG-1.  I have the DVDs and I read the fanfiction and I also write some fanfiction.  Michael Shanks is just so pretty.  He would definitely be on my list though I must admit I do prefer him before the whole military haircut thing.

I have an extra special fondness for John Barrowman.  He must be the prettiest man on television.  If you don't know who he is watch Torchwood.

If you haven't noticed I like my men pretty...not so much masculine. Speaking of...Tom Welling is extraordinarily pretty.  But I don't think I'd put him on the list.  Jeez, this is harder than I thought.

Thursday, January 28, 2010


I am the worst grandmother ever.  Wait, let me rephrase that... I am the worst grandmother ever of grandmothers who actually adore and love their grandchildren and think they are wonderful and would never do anything to hurt them.  I'm a great grandmother compared to mean grandparents who do purposely cruel things to their grandchildren.  I would never purposely do anything cruel to my babies because they are my princesses.  Any way, I was babysitting on Monday (perhaps I should have blogged this on Monday or any day between then and now but I've been tired so just Be Quiet now) and I went to run the vacuum.  We have to do this a lot now because we are being invaded by lady bugs and Baby M just started crawling last week, and I hate to say it but Baby M is a bug eater.  If it's creepy and crawly she will try to put it in her mouth and chew it up.  If you stick your finger in her mouth to pull it out she will cry, because she likes the bugs.  The child is constantly chewing something so we constantly have our fingers in her mouth.  It's gotten to the point that if she finds something she really likes she will hold onto it with both hands and curl up into a little ball to try and protect her mouth.  Baby M has never shown any signs of being afraid of the vacuum before so I didn't think twice about starting it up.  That was the first time I've ever seen a little baby heart attack.  Baby M's little eyes and mouth went into perfect little circles and she did the whole body shake.  She was too scared to even cry.  Then later on I let Z watch a large retailers commercial with a screaming clown and now she is scared of clowns.  She said he made her stomach hurt.  I have probably started phobias that will plague them for the rest of their lives.  Baby M will have a fear of cleaning and Z will have a fear of clowns.  Doesn't everyone have a fear of clowns?  Except for my Hubby that is.  He's got the hots for clowns.  He's the one who's always putting all those hits on the clown porn sites.  Sick, sick puppy.

Monday, January 25, 2010

No country for bad internet

Hubby may be having a breakdown.  As I am an expert in the subject having had many of my own, I think I see the signs.  The loss of interest in things he used to enjoy, sleeping in the middle of the day, random fits of apathy, running naked outside tearing at his hair with his penis flopping in the wind, chopping up the neighbors and stuffing their pieces down the pipe to our septic system while giggling manically.  All the signs are there.  I'm really worried about the loss of interest in things he used to enjoy.  He used to be a World of Warcraft maniac but I made him move to the boonies and now our internet is spotty at best.  It's all my fault and I am a horrible wife...when he starts looking at me and then the septic pipe I have to get clever and distract him with sugar-free low carb cookies or turkey enchilada soup or the occasional blow job.  That usually buys me some time.  Then he got sucked into twitter land but he's a political junkie and the democrats have him so frustrated now he's pulling out his hair in big chunks.  He's getting a camera for his birthday (not a surprise, he knows it...he doesn't like surprises cause he's a nutter) so in a couple of months I'm hoping photography becomes his thing so he can ignore the fast downward slide of the country and forget about World of Warcraft. 

P.S. I'm also worried about the way he disposes of bodies...I know I taught him better than that.
P.P.S.  Some of the above was an exaggeration or could be out right lie.  He would never tear at his hair...he is very vain about it.
P.P.P.S. I haven't really had that many breakdowns...that's why I'm heavily medicated to keep that from happening.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Mr. Hanky comes late

I had to take an emergency shower because I was laying (lying?  who knows, well I know you probably do but I'm in the middle of sickness right now so I just don't care) on the floor because I ate too many chocolate covered coffee beans while reading  The Bloggess' sex column and Baby M was smacking me in the face trying to gouge my eye out and then she puked in my hair.  Because of the bean eating I was dumping (for those of you who don't know I had gastric bypass surgery so eating chocolate covered coffee beans is bad...makes me poo).  I had to keep jumping out of the shower and lunging for the toilet which made me dizzy.  Man, am I lucky old people owned this house before us and there are grab bars all over the bathroom or I could have been extremely injured.  Yay old people!!!

P.S.  I know this whole thing was T.M.I. but its not as bad as my husband's secret lust for Chewbacca.  How do I know he lusts for Chewbacca if it's secret, you ask?  Well its obvious...I haven't shaved my legs in a long time...a looooonnnngggg  time and he still thinks I'm sexy so it's deductive reasoning ala Sherlock Holmes.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

It's the end of the world as we know it

Well I've already hit a snag on the remodel.  I got the doors off the cabinets and I pick up the denatured alcohol to begin cleaning the cabinets when I glance down and read the warnings.  Holy shit!!!  "Do not breathe these fumes or your brains will turn into some kind of nasty banana gelatin.  Do not move while using this product unless you are wearing a full body anti-static suit or the fumes might explode.  Extinguish any possible flame within a twenty mile radius or it could cause total nuclear annihilation of the whole planet.  Even looking at the warnings on this container could cause an explosion. In fact, if you are reading this now kiss your ass goodbye."  Now I'm afraid to move forward.  Maybe I should just try cleaning the cabinets for painting with nail polish remover.  It's almost the same thing, right?

The kitchen will not be blue

So we start the first step of our kitchen remodel today.  Do you know how hard it is to turn a screwdriver made to look like a duracell battery while your hands are wet and stained blue with food coloring?  No?  Well it's really hard.  Just so you know I'm not using blue food coloring in the kitchen remodel.  It's just a thing.

Butt spray

My hubby's butt is totally like a kick ass hot water bottle.  When I'm on my period I will cuddle up to him and press my abdomen against his butt and it's like totally hot.  Last night I was having trouble with my sciatic nerve because of my butt muscle and I pressed my butt up against his and it magically helped.  He has a magic butt.  I would totally post a picture of it here (I have one where I sprayed some spray tan all over it to see how it would look orange that he thinks I deleted but I sooooo didn't) but then he would kill me and that would not be fun. 

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Civilization ends under a pile of useless paper

I’m trying to get my daily blog written now (which I’ve missed for the last two days because I’m bad…bad and tired…bad and tired and lazy) because one of the reports I run at work is BROKEN (I’m a little upset about that) and I had to do it manually this morning and I’m trying to fix it and the piece that is broken takes forever to run so every time I change something I sit here with my thumb up my ass and wait for it to finish so I can see just how BROKEN it still is. I’m annoyed. The hormones seem to be getting worse every month. I may just run amuck (amuck, amuck, amuck, amuck, amuck). Though yesterday at work was bad (I snapped at people and I don’t ever do that), last night at home was great. I picked the munchkins up from my mom’s and they were so happy to see me. From Z I always get a “Hiya!” (said with an exclamation point, thank you very much) and a big running hug and little M just started hooting and smiling at me (because she’s not talking yet…unless you speak monkey). So I took the babies home (little M was so jamming to the radio) and we sat in the kitchen and Hubby cut up a cantaloupe and Z and M played on the floor while I made supper. Then after eating we had baby bath time. Little M has just gotten big enough to be able to take a bath with Z and she gets so excited every time she sees the tub (once again talking in monkey). They’ve been using a Pooh blow up tub that’s on its last legs. We’re going to try the big tub this weekend and see how that goes. After the bath little M was worn out and fell asleep in Hubby’s arms. I read Z The Stinky Cheese Man and she was a little disturbed by the illustrations (the cow really bothered her). Then Z and I stuck stickers all over the bookshelf and the books and then took them off and stuck them on again. There was ice cream eating and then Paeg got home and I collapsed into a dead sleep at 8:30. I am such a party animal.

Update: Got the report fixed…yay!!! Now, however I have to sort through the giant pile of papers that I need to file that I haven’t filed on principle (the principle being that I hate filing and I keep hoping if I just stack the papers up maybe they’ll go away. Instead they sit at my back waiting for the opportunity to jump on my head.)

Monday, January 11, 2010

Pointless post

GAaaahhh!!!!!!!!!! I need to get over this or get some professional help. Oh crap, I am already getting professional help. I am so fucked.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Maybe, someday

I wish I had something interesting to say right now but I don't. I have a list of things to blog about but right now I don't care about anything. I shot my load trying to make a nice supper and now I'm pretty much done. It doesn't help that my dear aunt Flo is coming to visit soon and I am completely out of one of my happy pills and have not been able to drag my sorry ass to the drug store to get more. I want to meet people online and make friends and say something that matters but until I figure out my meds I don't think that's going to happen. Sometimes I just feel so dead inside, like nothing is worth the effort. But we've all been there, right? I told myself I would blog every day and I will. It's just some days will be better than others and maybe someday I will find a voice and people will want to get to know me. Maybe...someday.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye

You know it's true love when you haven't shaved your legs in like a month and your hubby doesn't care. Not that I would do that. I'm just sayin'....

Friday, January 8, 2010

Stupid snow

Snow! I am a firm believer that if it snows it should snow enough to shut every thing down. If it snows no one should have to go out in it. I know you're thinking what about those states where it snows like 9 months a year. Those people would never get any work done and they would all starve and their children would be stupid because they'd never get to go to school. Well that doesn't matter because this is my blog and it is all about me. So there. So here I was last night praying for a snow day and I did I get one? Oh fuck no. Oops...I just dropped the F bomb. Shame on me. Anyway, I get up this morning, fingers and toes crossed and flip on my monitor to check the internet. Everything and its brother is closed but is my work...oh heck no. So I shower and dress and drive to work...the roads were kind of sucky but nothing I couldn't handle because I know how to drive in cold weather. Unlike some of the other asswipes that are out on the roads. This is just another day that I really don't want to be here. I have got to get over this because I really like my job. I think it's the being around people that I'm having a hard time with. Why, why why am I a hermit? I want funny, clever, weird friends that I can trust. But the trust thing is a whole other post.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Praying for a snow day

After a rather hellish day at work I've spent the evening discovering that both babies fit in the oven of the kitchen Z got for her birthday. We tried to take a picture but it didn't take well so tomorrow we break out the video camera! I'm spending time in between play cooking babies checking the snow closings praying that work gets called off tomorrow. After the day I had today I need an extra day off.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Good girl gone bad

From pretty, pretty princess to...

Underwear Gangsta

Gag me with a spoon

I realize now the goal I set for myself was harder than I thought it would be. My goal was simply to blog every day. However, I made this goal when I was on a break from work. I was sleeping in every morning and starting my day slowly and when something popped into my head I would just sit down at my PC and type. I went back to work yesterday though and at random times through the day something I would like to blog about would pop into my head and then the phone would ring or someone would have a problem and I would forget. By the time I got home my brain was mush and I ended up posting a wandering, rambling mess. I forgot that working 10 - 11 hour days makes the brain tired. I forgot that like an old woman I am ready for bed by 8:30. I was always one of those people who said "Dude, if I won the lottery I would totally keep working. I wouldn't be able to stand being at home." And I am such a stinking liar! I would kill to be able to stay home (well maybe not kill...well maybe if it was someone I really didn't like, like that one old boss of mine...but we won't go there). If Hubby and I have a baby (which we are trying...more tests on Friday...woo hoo - that was a totally sarcastic woo hoo, in case you didn't pick up on that) we better win the lottery so I can be a stay at home Mom. I didn't get to do that with Paeg and I wish I could have. If I was a SAHM I could so totally keep the little grandmunchkins too and eat all their baby num-nums. As I read back through this post I've made a discovery...not only am I old, I am apparently an old valley girl (totally different head man totally).

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Who's making fudge?

I had to go back to work today. Paeg called me and then Z got a hold of her phone and kept calling me. She'd say "Hi Hiya. Bye." and then she'd hang up. She did this over and over again until I was about to fall out of my seat laughing. She does this adorable thing where instead of saying mine or me she'll say "My Z..."(her name). Can you tell I'm completely enamored of the child? Both of my grandchildren...Maia is almost crawling...she gets up on her hands and knees and revs her engine but when its time to take off she stalls. I was going to post some pictures but SOMEONE who shall remain nameless did not put the pictures on my pc where I told him to. Of course, the first question someone asks is why don't you take them off the camera yourself? Because I work 10 hour days and I'm lazy so Shut up! My phone still isn't home. I felt naked all day long and my left hand can't take this empty feeling much longer. I might be having some kind of weird mini-stroke now or something but for some reason my room just started smelling like fudge. Weird.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Happy Birthday Z!!!!

Happy Birthday to my beautiful granddaughter Z. She is two years old today. It just seems like yesterday that my senior in high school daughter came to me and told me she was pregnant. I felt like the bottom had dropped out of everything. But we thought long and hard and figured out a way for her to still attend college and take care of the gift that was coming. So my Paeg got to her winter break of her freshman year of college and we waited for the baby...and waited... and waited. We bought a baby's first Christmas ornament and Christmas came and went but no baby. Finally, realizing that her vacation was coming to an end we talked Paeg's doctor into inducing labor. So on January 4, 2008 we went into the hospital and a beautiful, wonderful baby girl was born. She was so aware when she came out. She made eye contact with everyone and would whip her head around if she heard her mother's voice. Since then she has filled every day of all of our lives with joy. The best part of my day is when she sees me for the first time of the day. She will call out "Hiya!" in a happy voice and run to me and throw her arms around me. She says please and thank you in this tiny little voice whenever she asks for anything. She worries about everyone in the house wondering where they are and what they are doing. She has these little conversations now where she tells you whatever is on her mind. She worries about her babies and where they are. She says "I love you" and gives kisses and hugs freely. She is wonderful. I love you Baby Z. Happy 2nd Birthday.


Whew...glad I got that out of my system. It's almost 3:00 and I'm still in my pajamas because I am suffering withdrawal? I know you're thinking...what is it? Is it the demon booze, horse, meth? No, it's a million times worse. I am in withdrawal from my blackberry (For you literal people...the million times worse was a joke...I do not think that withdrawal from any addicting substance is easy or fun). My Blackberry went on a trip without me that has become extended. (I know you are iphone people are turning your nose up at me now and believe me I would have loved me an iphone. However, AT&T coverage is so scattered where I live that I could not justify spending the money on a phone that I could only use if I stood on my roof, balanced on one leg with a coat hanger in my mouth with the phone hoisted up in the air like the statue of liberty with her torch). My sister lives in Louisiana. She brought her kids up to stay with my parents for Christmas with plans to pick them up this past weekend. She was driving through Alabama and her car broke down and of course it being New Year's weekend no mechanics were available. So my Mom and Dad volunteer to drive down to Alabama (we are in Indiana, by the way) and pick my sister up and take her and the kids back home to Louisiana while her husband gets the car fixed. Well it just so happens that my parents cell phone had just bit the bucket so I volunteered mine thinking it would be home by tonight. But no, my sister's husband cannot move the car (something about the warranty) and so my parents had to drive back to Alabama and take him back to Louisiana so now my phone won't be home until late Tuesday or even worse, early Wednesday.
As I know most of you don't know me so you won't know that my phone goes with me everywhere. What would I do if I was in the middle of a random step and couldn't check my twitter or e-mail or facebook? Now I find myself wandering around the house aimlessly looking at my left hand like it holds the secrets of the world. It used to, now it's just a sweaty palm.

Sunday, January 3, 2010


I'm sitting here looking around at my bedroom trying to get it to rearrange itself with the power of my mind. For some reason it's not working (stupid, faulty superpowers). I guess I'm going to have to move soon and do something. I always have a problem doing something/anything on Sunday. Mostly I just want to curl up with hot chocolate and watch Some Like It Hot. Weird, huh? Or maybe A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. Growing up I always knew it was Easter because my mom would break out the Jesus Christ Superstar soundtrack and the Wizard of Oz and A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum were on TV. Those were some of our big Easter traditions (well besides the whole coloring eggs, egg hunting thing, easter basket thingey). My Dad always used to tell us he shot the Easter Bunny (and Rudolf at Christmas)...mean, mean, mean. Just kidding...about my Dad being mean...he really did say that about the whole shooting the bunny but he was just teasing.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Last minute birthday

We had to move up Z's b-day party because of a car breakdown in Alabama. We were going to have the party tomorrow but now we need to do it today because Mom and Dad have to drive the niece and nephew back down south. Good thing Paeg picked up everything yesterday. This is going to be a short post. I'm really kind of feeling down today. I really just want to go to sleep. Only 363 more posts to go this

Friday, January 1, 2010

Resolutions and other myths

So its the first day of a new year. This year I will:

1. Blog every day and make hubby do the same (and he is sooo whining about it).
2. Let people know about my blog and link to hubby's blog.
3. Re-do my kitchen and post before and after pics...cause my kitchen is hideous and if I don't do something soon I might explode
4. Get hubby an SLR camera so we can take decent pics
5. Get me a kindle...if I don't get one soon someone's going to suffer
6. Lose 14 more pounds so I'll be exactly where I want to be.
7. Re-do my office space...well my office corner...actually its more like a crevice but it does have a
8. Learn more html and css and get my own website
9. Become a better friend and make more friends cause I suck at that now
10. Be a better mother, daughter, grandmother, wife and sister cause I suck at all those things too.
11. Have a decent garden this year
12. Budget and stick to it.
13. Learn Spanish

I'm sure there's some other stuff I'll think of soon but I haven't been awake all that long and I'm just a tad hung-over. Now we're off to Wally World to get the makings for Z's second b-day party.