Sunday, February 21, 2010

Pretend judgmental people suck

I met my Hubby on the internet.  In a chatroom....I know.

"Shock!  Dismay!  How could you do that?  What if he were a serial killer?  How could he do that?  What if you were a serial killer? (and that totally could have happened..I've walked the line a time or two)"

People I meet in r/t try not to act all dismayed but I know they're thinking I'm a nut.  I can see it in their faces.  If I told them I picked him up in a bar they wouldn't think twice about it but the internet (is for porn) is bad.  How can I explain that the hours upon hours we spent chatting online before we even heard each other's voice on the phone, and the hours upon hours spent on the phone before we even saw each other in person let us know more of each other than people who have dated face to face for years?

"But he could pretend to be something he's not."

What do you think someone you meet in a bar is doing, pretend judgmental person?  We all try to put our best face forward (to fool) impress someone we meet.  However, when it's 3:00 in the morning and you're been chatting all night and you've done that for weeks straight not to mention emails composed during the day while you're supposed to be working (not that I'd ever do that) you get to know a person fairly well.  When was the last time you spent 6 hours a night every night with someone you just met in r/t?

"Well it's just not the same when you can't see their face."

I'm getting really tired of you pretend, judgmental person.  That's what webcams are for (not that Hubby and I used a webcam.  We just exchanged pictures. Back in the olden days webcams weren't so commonly used.). I fell in love with the man who was my husband before I ever saw what he looked like.  I was lurking in the chat room (because that's how I am...hiding in the bushes, peeking in the windows kind of girl) and I saw this person putting up these amazing well-written, well thought out comments.  He made everyone else in the chat room look like idiots.  I am a push over for intelligent, creative men and so I fell and fell hard.  I went into the chat room every night watching him and getting more and more smitten.  Finallly, I worked up the nerve to day something to him and he totally shot me down.  As in "Don't talk to me.  I'm too good for you," kind of way.  Did that stop me?  Oh no.

"How pathetic are you?"

Listen here, pretend judgmental person, I've about had enough of your crap.  Any way to make a long story short (too late), I saw him in another chat room using another name but his writing style was so distinctive that I knew right away it was him.  So I tried again and this time he chatted with me.  We clicked and fell in love just like I knew we would.  A lot of people in my life didn't get it because they didn't spend a lot of time online.

But if you're reading this, I think you get it.  You understand how you can connect with someone you've never met face to face and perhaps never will.  I have six people in this world that I completely trust (besides relatives).  Three of them I met online and three I met in real life.  Four of those six I've had intimate knowledge of (how's that for being and/or crushed on (mad props to Hubby, Batman, Tattooed-wonder and Guitarman) for still talking to me after seeing me at my worst).  Of the other two I talk to one regularly (Reddove) and the other I hardly ever talk to but I love with all my heart (hey Nessa, miss you).

I started blogging for lots of reasons.  I needed to write more because it is my bliss but I'm a lazy ass and I'd rather read than put forth any effort.  I wanted some kind of chronicle of my life, in case something happened to me (morbid much?)  I was also lonely.  I wanted to meet people who shared my interests.  I wanted to meet people who would get it when I quoted Monty Python or Rocky Horror.  I wanted to meet people who shared my love of Living Dead Dolls and zombies and Buffy and Shakespeare and all things Neil Gaiman and Clive Barker (except for Hellraiser...that scared me).  I wanted to meet people who understand why I spend hours reading blogs and when I find a blogger I like why I spend hours reading their archives (currently I'm hanging out at Her Bad Mother's archives).  I wanted to meet people who understand why Mr. Lady and Redneck Mommy and The Bloggess rock (Shannon, Tanis, Jenny...I am sporting such the girl-crush.  I <3 you all.).  I haven't met these people who will "get me" yet but I will.  Eventually I will be able to add more people to the list of six I currently have and those people totally won't judge me because I'm 11 years older than my husband.

"You're what?  Are you a cradle robber?"

That's it, pretend judgmental person.  You're out of here.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Hairy, hairy bo berry

Since I've been married I've been a sporadic leg shaver (and other things as well).  I figured he's already married me he can deal with my sasquatch legs and pits (and other things).  He signed the contract and now he's caught.  However, I try to always shave my legs before I start my period.  I am very anemic and due to a problem with a giant fibroid growing on my uterus (which has been the bane of our trying to conceive...damn you fibroid, damn you) I bleed like a stuck pig hemorrhaging to death.  So sometimes I pass out.  If you pass out twice in a row your darling husband and loving daughter might panic and call an ambulance.  The concerned paramedics might make you go to the hospital where the hard-working nurses might decide they need a urine sample.  But oh you are on your period so we'll have to get the sample with a catheter.  So unveil your hairy legs (and other things) for everyone walking by in the emergency room.  I know I could hear the nurses snickering.  So now I am proactive and shave when I know I'm going to start.  My poor husband gets to see my legs unhairy once a month...just at a time when he can't enjoy it.  Oh well,  he'll just have to put up with the stubble burn.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Elephant man in a dress

Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a cute dress if your legs and arms are slightly scary?  It is very, very hard.  I had gastric bypass surgery and it was an amazing success.  When fully covered by clothes I look pretty good for my age but its when my upper arms, thighs, knees and stomach is revealed that it gets nasty (and not in a good way).  Because I was older when I had the surgery my skin was lacking the elasticity to pull back in when my weight went down and so now, now I look like the elephant man under my clothes.  The skin on my upper arms are full fledged wings.  I could leap out of trees with flying squirrels and keep up.  My stomach...well lets just say I could hide a small child in the skin I roll up and tuck into my clothes there.  My thighs and knees...well my thighs look like the ocean during a storm, rough and wavy.  My knees catch all the extra skin that gravity is pulling down so they are...well for some reason Jabba the Huts face comes to mind.  Most cute dresses have little sleeves and come above the knee which is a no-no for me, unless I want to cause a screaming, horrified stampede.  I want to start going grown-up places and doing grown-up things (about time since I'm in my forties) and I need the wardrobe to do it.  It's just going to be a little harder putting it together than I thought.  Oh, and did I tell you...SNOW DAY!  Woo hoo!

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Beware the Tiny Snowman Army!!!!

I have not been posting here nearly as much as I'd like.  My hours at work are pushing way more than 40 and I'm just not an overtime kind of girl.  Frankly I'm barely a get out of bed kind of girl...lazy is my middle name (not really, I mean how cruel would my parents have to be to name their oldest daughter Laurie Lazy?).  So blogging for now has been reduced to weekends (which used to be three days for me but now is only two...stupid overtime at work.  Overtime which I don't get paid for since I'm salaried...grrrrrr).  We did accomplish some things this week.  We got one of those cool Flipcams so now we are going to be uploading little video clips like mad.  We also got a giant hard drive to store all the little videos for editing.  We made the decision to go get me some new ( for me) office furniture for the corner of the bedroom I think of as my office next weekend.  We had a snow storm this weekend so that was a no go.  Speaking of....I started my tiny snowman army.  Right now they are 8 strong and they will take you all down unless you're a zombie or made of fire...then they're screwed.

I am also aware the snowman army is lacking arms.  They have complained about this many times but they are ankle biters so they get by.