Pretend judgmental people suck

I met my Hubby on the internet.  In a chatroom....I know.

"Shock!  Dismay!  How could you do that?  What if he were a serial killer?  How could he do that?  What if you were a serial killer? (and that totally could have happened..I've walked the line a time or two)"

People I meet in r/t try not to act all dismayed but I know they're thinking I'm a nut.  I can see it in their faces.  If I told them I picked him up in a bar they wouldn't think twice about it but the internet (is for porn) is bad.  How can I explain that the hours upon hours we spent chatting online before we even heard each other's voice on the phone, and the hours upon hours spent on the phone before we even saw each other in person let us know more of each other than people who have dated face to face for years?

"But he could pretend to be something he's not."

What do you think someone you meet in a bar is doing, pretend judgmental person?  We all try to put our best face forward (to fool) impress someone we meet.  However, when it's 3:00 in the morning and you're been chatting all night and you've done that for weeks straight not to mention emails composed during the day while you're supposed to be working (not that I'd ever do that) you get to know a person fairly well.  When was the last time you spent 6 hours a night every night with someone you just met in r/t?

"Well it's just not the same when you can't see their face."

I'm getting really tired of you pretend, judgmental person.  That's what webcams are for (not that Hubby and I used a webcam.  We just exchanged pictures. Back in the olden days webcams weren't so commonly used.). I fell in love with the man who was my husband before I ever saw what he looked like.  I was lurking in the chat room (because that's how I am...hiding in the bushes, peeking in the windows kind of girl) and I saw this person putting up these amazing well-written, well thought out comments.  He made everyone else in the chat room look like idiots.  I am a push over for intelligent, creative men and so I fell and fell hard.  I went into the chat room every night watching him and getting more and more smitten.  Finallly, I worked up the nerve to day something to him and he totally shot me down.  As in "Don't talk to me.  I'm too good for you," kind of way.  Did that stop me?  Oh no.

"How pathetic are you?"

Listen here, pretend judgmental person, I've about had enough of your crap.  Any way to make a long story short (too late), I saw him in another chat room using another name but his writing style was so distinctive that I knew right away it was him.  So I tried again and this time he chatted with me.  We clicked and fell in love just like I knew we would.  A lot of people in my life didn't get it because they didn't spend a lot of time online.


But if you're reading this, I think you get it.  You understand how you can connect with someone you've never met face to face and perhaps never will.  I have six people in this world that I completely trust (besides relatives).  Three of them I met online and three I met in real life.  Four of those six I've had intimate knowledge of (how's that for being discrete..lol) and/or crushed on (mad props to Hubby, Batman, Tattooed-wonder and Guitarman) for still talking to me after seeing me at my worst).  Of the other two I talk to one regularly (Reddove) and the other I hardly ever talk to but I love with all my heart (hey Nessa, miss you).

I started blogging for lots of reasons.  I needed to write more because it is my bliss but I'm a lazy ass and I'd rather read than put forth any effort.  I wanted some kind of chronicle of my life, in case something happened to me (morbid much?)  I was also lonely.  I wanted to meet people who shared my interests.  I wanted to meet people who would get it when I quoted Monty Python or Rocky Horror.  I wanted to meet people who shared my love of Living Dead Dolls and zombies and Buffy and Shakespeare and all things Neil Gaiman and Clive Barker (except for Hellraiser...that scared me).  I wanted to meet people who understand why I spend hours reading blogs and when I find a blogger I like why I spend hours reading their archives (currently I'm hanging out at Her Bad Mother's archives).  I wanted to meet people who understand why Mr. Lady and Redneck Mommy and The Bloggess rock (Shannon, Tanis, Jenny...I am sporting such the girl-crush.  I <3 you all.).  I haven't met these people who will "get me" yet but I will.  Eventually I will be able to add more people to the list of six I currently have and those people totally won't judge me because I'm 11 years older than my husband.

"You're what?  Are you a cradle robber?"

That's it, pretend judgmental person.  You're out of here.

Maybe, someday

I wish I had something interesting to say right now but I don't. I have a list of things to blog about but right now I don't care about anything. I shot my load trying to make a nice supper and now I'm pretty much done. It doesn't help that my dear aunt Flo is coming to visit soon and I am completely out of one of my happy pills and have not been able to drag my sorry ass to the drug store to get more. I want to meet people online and make friends and say something that matters but until I figure out my meds I don't think that's going to happen. Sometimes I just feel so dead inside, like nothing is worth the effort. But we've all been there, right? I told myself I would blog every day and I will. It's just some days will be better than others and maybe someday I will find a voice and people will want to get to know me. Maybe...someday.

Gag me with a spoon

I realize now the goal I set for myself was harder than I thought it would be. My goal was simply to blog every day. However, I made this goal when I was on a break from work. I was sleeping in every morning and starting my day slowly and when something popped into my head I would just sit down at my PC and type. I went back to work yesterday though and at random times through the day something I would like to blog about would pop into my head and then the phone would ring or someone would have a problem and I would forget. By the time I got home my brain was mush and I ended up posting a wandering, rambling mess. I forgot that working 10 - 11 hour days makes the brain tired. I forgot that like an old woman I am ready for bed by 8:30. I was always one of those people who said "Dude, if I won the lottery I would totally keep working. I wouldn't be able to stand being at home." And I am such a stinking liar! I would kill to be able to stay home (well maybe not kill...well maybe if it was someone I really didn't like, like that one old boss of mine...but we won't go there). If Hubby and I have a baby (which we are trying...more tests on Friday...woo hoo - that was a totally sarcastic woo hoo, in case you didn't pick up on that) we better win the lottery so I can be a stay at home Mom. I didn't get to do that with Paeg and I wish I could have. If I was a SAHM I could so totally keep the little grandmunchkins too and eat all their baby num-nums. As I read back through this post I've made a discovery...not only am I old, I am apparently an old valley girl (totally different head man totally).