Things I learned this weekend

Things I learned this weekend:

I should have bought the bigger container of wasabi peas.

Working from home sucks.

The dolls I like to collect are way too expensive.  But I want them anyway.

Eric Stoltz just gets hotter as he gets older.  I totally could be a stalker.

Mr. Lady is wonderful and makes you feel like a person.   I so could stalk her.

 I would like to stalk The Bloggess too but she's not responded to me yet. I've got my binoculars ready though.

There is apparently a reason I can't go out in public.  lanned = stalker

The person who has been my best friend for years apparently only uses me for birthday wishes.  Batman you suck.

Sonohysteerography is a lot more painful than what they let you believe.  Especially if they have to insert the catheter more than once.  You bleed for a long time afterwards.  It sucks.

I can still conceive.  Hubby step it up because I think the doctor believes I can become pregnant in the next couple of months.  Yeah little curly red headed Edwina!!!

Potty training involves a lot of clapping.  Go Z you're a big girl.  Go Z you're a big girl.

I want a house full of babies.  *Hoping when I get pregnant I have twins*

I don't want my daughter and her babies to ever move out.  (i.e. unrealistic expectations)

My parents aren't ever allowed to get sick or anything like that. (one again i.e. unrealistic expectations)

My husband is super brilliant Yet another stupid blog

Let me do you like you wanna be done

I've been thinking about my celebrity "to-do" list.  You know, that list of people you will never, ever meet that you get a free pass "to-do" from your partner?  I've never really had one because I pretty much just think about hubby but he added Zoey Deuschanal (sp?) to his today so I started thinking about mine.  I'm also supposed to be working from home right now and I'd rather do anything but that so this sounds like a productive alternative.

I watched Caprica this morning.  If you are not watching you are missing a great show.  Really, watch it.  Eric Stoltz is on it and I realized today if I had a list he would be on it.  I've always kind of had a thing for him but Caprica sealed it.  He's so hot in the glasses and getting older has just made him better.

I have always been a huge fan of Stargate SG-1.  I have the DVDs and I read the fanfiction and I also write some fanfiction.  Michael Shanks is just so pretty.  He would definitely be on my list though I must admit I do prefer him before the whole military haircut thing.

I have an extra special fondness for John Barrowman.  He must be the prettiest man on television.  If you don't know who he is watch Torchwood.

If you haven't noticed I like my men pretty...not so much masculine. Speaking of...Tom Welling is extraordinarily pretty.  But I don't think I'd put him on the list.  Jeez, this is harder than I thought.

Cleaningclownaphobia

I am the worst grandmother ever.  Wait, let me rephrase that... I am the worst grandmother ever of grandmothers who actually adore and love their grandchildren and think they are wonderful and would never do anything to hurt them.  I'm a great grandmother compared to mean grandparents who do purposely cruel things to their grandchildren.  I would never purposely do anything cruel to my babies because they are my princesses.  Any way, I was babysitting on Monday (perhaps I should have blogged this on Monday or any day between then and now but I've been tired so just Be Quiet now) and I went to run the vacuum.  We have to do this a lot now because we are being invaded by lady bugs and Baby M just started crawling last week, and I hate to say it but Baby M is a bug eater.  If it's creepy and crawly she will try to put it in her mouth and chew it up.  If you stick your finger in her mouth to pull it out she will cry, because she likes the bugs.  The child is constantly chewing something so we constantly have our fingers in her mouth.  It's gotten to the point that if she finds something she really likes she will hold onto it with both hands and curl up into a little ball to try and protect her mouth.  Baby M has never shown any signs of being afraid of the vacuum before so I didn't think twice about starting it up.  That was the first time I've ever seen a little baby heart attack.  Baby M's little eyes and mouth went into perfect little circles and she did the whole body shake.  She was too scared to even cry.  Then later on I let Z watch a large retailers commercial with a screaming clown and now she is scared of clowns.  She said he made her stomach hurt.  I have probably started phobias that will plague them for the rest of their lives.  Baby M will have a fear of cleaning and Z will have a fear of clowns.  Doesn't everyone have a fear of clowns?  Except for my Hubby that is.  He's got the hots for clowns.  He's the one who's always putting all those hits on the clown porn sites.  Sick, sick puppy.

No country for bad internet

Hubby may be having a breakdown.  As I am an expert in the subject having had many of my own, I think I see the signs.  The loss of interest in things he used to enjoy, sleeping in the middle of the day, random fits of apathy, running naked outside tearing at his hair with his penis flopping in the wind, chopping up the neighbors and stuffing their pieces down the pipe to our septic system while giggling manically.  All the signs are there.  I'm really worried about the loss of interest in things he used to enjoy.  He used to be a World of Warcraft maniac but I made him move to the boonies and now our internet is spotty at best.  It's all my fault and I am a horrible wife...when he starts looking at me and then the septic pipe I have to get clever and distract him with sugar-free low carb cookies or turkey enchilada soup or the occasional blow job.  That usually buys me some time.  Then he got sucked into twitter land but he's a political junkie and the democrats have him so frustrated now he's pulling out his hair in big chunks.  He's getting a camera for his birthday (not a surprise, he knows it...he doesn't like surprises cause he's a nutter) so in a couple of months I'm hoping photography becomes his thing so he can ignore the fast downward slide of the country and forget about World of Warcraft. 

P.S. I'm also worried about the way he disposes of bodies...I know I taught him better than that.
P.P.S.  Some of the above was an exaggeration or could be out right lie.  He would never tear at his hair...he is very vain about it.
P.P.P.S. I haven't really had that many breakdowns...that's why I'm heavily medicated to keep that from happening.

Mr. Hanky comes late

I had to take an emergency shower because I was laying (lying?  who knows, well I know you probably do but I'm in the middle of sickness right now so I just don't care) on the floor because I ate too many chocolate covered coffee beans while reading  The Bloggess' sex column and Baby M was smacking me in the face trying to gouge my eye out and then she puked in my hair.  Because of the bean eating I was dumping (for those of you who don't know I had gastric bypass surgery so eating chocolate covered coffee beans is bad...makes me poo).  I had to keep jumping out of the shower and lunging for the toilet which made me dizzy.  Man, am I lucky old people owned this house before us and there are grab bars all over the bathroom or I could have been extremely injured.  Yay old people!!!

P.S.  I know this whole thing was T.M.I. but its not as bad as my husband's secret lust for Chewbacca.  How do I know he lusts for Chewbacca if it's secret, you ask?  Well its obvious...I haven't shaved my legs in a long time...a looooonnnngggg  time and he still thinks I'm sexy so it's deductive reasoning ala Sherlock Holmes.

It's the end of the world as we know it

Well I've already hit a snag on the remodel.  I got the doors off the cabinets and I pick up the denatured alcohol to begin cleaning the cabinets when I glance down and read the warnings.  Holy shit!!!  "Do not breathe these fumes or your brains will turn into some kind of nasty banana gelatin.  Do not move while using this product unless you are wearing a full body anti-static suit or the fumes might explode.  Extinguish any possible flame within a twenty mile radius or it could cause total nuclear annihilation of the whole planet.  Even looking at the warnings on this container could cause an explosion. In fact, if you are reading this now kiss your ass goodbye."  Now I'm afraid to move forward.  Maybe I should just try cleaning the cabinets for painting with nail polish remover.  It's almost the same thing, right?

The kitchen will not be blue

So we start the first step of our kitchen remodel today.  Do you know how hard it is to turn a screwdriver made to look like a duracell battery while your hands are wet and stained blue with food coloring?  No?  Well it's really hard.  Just so you know I'm not using blue food coloring in the kitchen remodel.  It's just a thing.